Lucky Number Thirt3en

Last night I slept 13 hours.
Today I started 13 games on Words With Friends.
If you reverse the numerals in tomorrow's date, it's the 13th!

I really have nothing significant to say. Which might to infer, then, that the other times I blog I'm saying something of value or worth. In fact, I'm not implying any such self-inflating nonsense. Rather, I feel the need to record some thoughts while hoping that no one take me too seriously.

1) I realized that I have selective faith. I was talking with a Christian co-worker today about the absurdity of some hypothetical situation and posited that, "it would be like some hobo stealing my wallet and me saying, 'Oh, go ahead an take my smart phone, too. And while you're at it, here's my coat!'" Suddenly I realized how much that SHOULD be the reality of my life. Could Matthew 5:38-48 be any more practically applied in the contemporary world?! I doubt it. But I heard myself considering the biblical road with incredulity in my voice. It scared me a lot to think that, even as I typically possess great confidence in my own knowledge of scripture and what it requires of me, I so easily forget how --or even THAT-- it affects my day to day living.

God spits out lukewarm. Revelation 3 is not unclear about how he feels about it. It's like a Go Big or Go Home mentality on living in obedience, which, HELLO! is how the whole Bible describes it. Even Bob Dylan had it figured out--You Gotta Serve Somebody. Scratch that. it IS a go big or go home LIFESTYLE, not just a mentality.

Last Wednesday, I was transferring my Kaladi Brother's Alaska Vanilla Chai from the cup it came in into my Starbucks travel mug so it would stay warmer longer. Sharine had no faith in my ability to pour it safely from the one vessel into the other. I knew that if I held the lower lip of the cup about an inch above the travel mug and quickly tipped it and poured steadily without hesitation, not a drop would be spilled. I was right.I learned that one through a combination of spilling experiences and my fire-eating Uncle Rick's advice that you just have to go for it or get burned, I knew I couldn't try to play it safe while pouring; that I couldn't take it slow and try to sneak the hot beverage in. Some would dribble down the side of the cup, then a bunch would gurgle and pop over the entire travel mug and spill down the other side, too. i KNOW I'm not the only person with this experientially acquired knowledge.

But I also know that I am one of many who try to take that approach to Christianity when we all, without exception, should be putting ourselves in the right position, going for it without hesitation and confidently knowing the outcome will be successful.

T minus TEN

 My older sister Megan used to be a prolific force for our middle school Cross Country team. Every Friday night, there was the carbohydrate load entailing several heaping plates of spaghetti, the religious watching of the movie Chariots of Fire and a good night’s rest so that twelve hours later there could be a killer race where she would come in second to a German wunderkind from a rival school. The immense amount of prior preparation had something to do with what she always used to tell me: “A Dream without Action is only a Wish.” I typically ignored the platitude, popped a Michael W. Smith cassette into my portable tape player and sprawled across the floor to do my homework, relying on my lucky orange panties to bring me the kind of cross country success she produced through relentless training, diet and devotion to the task. Her natural talent probably helped a little.

Obviously, over time I came to have an appreciation for sacrificing leisure, comfort and even human necessities like sleeping, eating and general hygiene in order to achieve my goals.Yet, in the course of reaching academic milestones like a obtaining a baccalaureate degree, and putting some significant life events under my belt like marriage and moving away from family, I have not to this point learned to boldly step out in faith and obediently pursue ministering to this hurting world. If man’s chief end is to glorify God and enjoy him forever, and I haven’t set aside my own personal ambitions in order that I may glorify God through my obedience, then for what have I been living?

Of course, there is no secular life when a woman lives in Christ, as everything she does is Spiritual. And whatever she does, she must do it all to the glory of God, as working for Him, not for man. But to be honest, I can’t say I worked hard for God. Rather, I labored for myself and the fulfillment of my academic and vocational aspirations; for my pride because I can’t stand to fail; and to mollify my own fears that, should I not excel, my worth would somehow be invalidated because I falsely believed that I am what I do, and I am worth what I achieve.

Now I find myself in Alaska. Degree, check; job, check; great home with loving husband and ridiculously cute dog, CHECK. One Sunday, I find myself sitting listening to my dad preach about Bible studies in the wake of the tsunami and earthquake rocking Japan’s world, bringing the whole nation to its knees. Suddenly, I have an inkling that this type of outreach is actually something I can do, and it will be authentic! I won’t be doing it for false motives like responding out of guilt or feeling peer pressured into participation. This is what I will be doing to respond to his call, because a fire has been started in my soul, and because God is inspiring me to follow the passions that He himself gives me. I have connections to unbelievers through my job and Nate’s job. And I also have connections to young believers who need to be encouraged and spurred on toward love and good deeds. 

 This is what I was made for; this is who I am meant to be: a lover of Christ, and therefore a lover of people.

Sharine and I have been prayerfully seeking God about who to invite, what to study, when and where and how frequently to meet, and we have finally sent out our invitations. We kick off our Bible study with hopefully five other young ladies, meeting Wednesday evenings at a local coffee shop. Their knowledge of God ranges from “absolutely no knowledge of religion or faith whatsoever” to “lifelong believers.” The method will be to read the Bible, pray for God’s wisdom and cast away everything that hinders as we seek Him. Please pray for us as we step out in faith in a way that is true to our passions and in response to his calling. We start in ten days!

Building Sandcastles

Perhaps the most devastating of all the feelings found on the emotional spectrum is disappointment. With plain sadness there may be a loss of elation, with grief a loss of something held dear, and with loneliness a lack of companionship. But somehow, inherent in the sentiment of disappointment is an acknowledgment that expectations were failed, and hopes dashed. Somehow this is much more difficult to handle. On the ambulating wave of life, one comes to terms with the reality that troughs are as inevitable as the beloved crests we all hope to surf for the majority of our lives. Understanding the inevitability of these low points enables us to cope with the difficulty they bring, knowing they are as unavoidable as they are temporary. It may be that I only hold these views because of my nature as a pessimist, though I consider myself an optimistic realist, whether this consideration is, in fact, a realistic assessment of my view on the glass’s contents.

When I imagine a particular scenario unfolding, such as the telling of a story or piece of news, I sometimes narrate in my head the potential outcomes as though I were a first-hand witness or the resonating deep bass voice-over who must make millions doing trailers for action films. By envisioning the sequence of events prior to their occurrence, I can prepare the delivery of the news or tale in order to arouse the most desirable response from my audience. The danger inherent in this method is the set-up for failure should the delivery or reception go differently than what was planned. Then, what should have been a delightful moment becomes one of frustration and disappointment—two of the most opposite of reactions from that for which I ardently hoped and attempted to produce.

Human relationships are unpredictable. They are like hurricane winds and we individuals involved in them are like meteorologists. Oftentimes, patterns do emerge making certain trajectories more likely than others. But on the other hand, no matter how many times one sequence of events happens exactly the same way, there is no guarantee that it will happen again. We can build all the walls we want to prevent damage from flooding into our lives, but that will not necessarily prevent loss or pain. And though one response could be to move away from the source of unpredictability, you can’t live on a beach on the gulf if you don’t like strong gales or high tides. Risk is an unavoidable factor when engaging a dream and trying to bring it to realization. Risk is unavoidable whether you bother to pursue your dreams or not. The possibility of loss, frustration and disappointment will always be there. So neglecting to tend to the development of a hope in order to avoid getting hurt is foolishness. Might as well build sandcastles for the fun of it, even though the tide may wash them away.